In the first 1/3rd of my life, I suffer from a few of afflictions, mental and/or physical, most of them hardly mention in my day except to do stupid stuff like take a dietary supplement and hope for temperate weather. Some of these may correct with age, and correct diet (if that ever happens) and be replaced with new and more severe problems, but the rest will just deteriorate me into a shriveled, barely recognizable version of myself.
The one I want to cure the most, is the nagging pull that I am meant to do more with my life. Not like curing cancer or climbing something really high. Nothing like that, just live a slightly more exciting life that's fulfilling and maybe even interesting in some way, at least to me who has to wake up in my world every morning. I blame Mr. Rogers. The man lived in a world he created, so of course anything was possible. Without even knowing anything about me, he loved me and believed in my potential, but little did he know he'd would have gotten little return on his investment. Of course I can't be anything I dream of, silly! I dreamed of winning Oscars, being a turtle or one of "The Pips." I am not a reptile or a black man with silky, smooth voice that sways behind Gladys Knight, so odds are better get used to it Mr. Imagination!
But like many others, I was also reared in sturdy midwestern family which taught that loyalty and hard work and all that malarky was the right and only path. Get a good job, eat your vegetables, work hard, brush your teeth, find someone who you tolerate and tolerates you, collect some money for retirement and hopefully you've passed that lifestyle to a miniature version of yourself.
I find myself today, no tolerable mate because I either don't find people likable, or they are too likable and I don't wish to ruin them with a lifetime of me. No miniature versions of myself, because I barely take care of my cat in this land of 6 billion breathers... the rest I'm doing pretty well on (still working on the flossing goal) to the standards set by so many others. But, I think something is lacking in my genetic makeup to make me docile in my 'just-so' life and leaves me wanting more. In the past years I've been trying to become a round peg to fit in the life I'm stuck in right now, and every day I feel more numb to it scares the bajeezus out of me!
So, I'm stuck in the middle. Friday nights are neither drinks with friends, nor game night with the family... they're a red box and a bottle of Yellow Tail; the sad, single girls limbo. But would I want the other options? I don't know, but I would like to try some new angles on living before I settle down and adopt another cat.
After showing this 100% authentic Chinese restaurant fortune to one of my more studious family members, they replied "Sha, right! More like 'Infamous'."
Which brings me to
#1 on my list;
change. Now, I'm not talking changing my name to "Terrance" and becoming an apprentice blacksmith in Iceland. But getting back on the proactive path leading where I could go and not just sitting on the side of the road wondering where I could have gotten by now and risking the chance of being pummelled by a stampede of some kind of animal that stampedes down the roads of complacency (like maybe some turtles or kittens that have just had a big meal.)
Once I figure out what this cataclysmic change will be, I'll probably let you all know. I'm also open to suggestions.
